i’ve been super stressed and overworked lately so i’ve been craving a cigarette really badly but i quit years ago and i don’t really want to buy a whole pack when i know i’ll only smoke one or two of them anyway, so instead whenever i feel like i can’t take it anymore i just vividly imagine myself taking a smoke break in my head and the crazy thing is it actually makes me feel better. i feel like the 4chan burger tulpa guy.
using my psionic powers to give myself a tasty little treat without succumbing to the weakneses of the flesh
obviously dietary requirements aren’t a joke but my grandma sometimes runs errands for her church and i asked her what she’s up to today and she said extremely seriously “ive got to track down the body of the gluten free christ, julia”
when i was a kid I was really bad (or really good depending on your definition) at hidden object games. which is to say that I would not specifically search for the objects the book asked me to look for. no. that would make no sense. what i instead did was open a spreadsheet
i then proceeded to list every single object in the image in my excel spreadsheet, highlighting the objects the book asked me to find in red as i went. Then, by the end, not only had i found the objects, I had also found and categorized all of the other objects as well. This way, if anyone asked me to find any other objects in that image, i was fully prepared
on an unrelated note i was diagnosed as autistic before third grade
You used the letter a 46 times!!
And 555 letters, so the letter a is about 8.29%
The letter a is on average used about 8.2% of the time, which means you used it more than average!! :)
a-counter you are my best friend and greatest ally
this is literally correct. im so mad that i cant find it right now, maybe i will later, but a few months ago i read such a funny paper, it was a report on a survey of k-tape use by sports medicine people and physical therapists, and 70% of them reported that they knew/had observed that k-tape does absolutely nothing, but that athletes are so superstitious that the PTs would use the tape anyway because it improved performance via placebo. the majority of studies on k-tape are either inconclusive or a very definite “this does absolutely nothing”.
i could see it maybe being useful specifically for proprioception due to pull sensation, and possibly in EDS patients where skin elasticity had something to do with muscle/joint stability and taping the surface provided more resistance. otherwise its less relevant to injury than prehistoric medical tatooing, at least the latter would involve microinjury with a needle, which we do have evidence to support lol
Like as an alcoholic I HATE the fatphobia related to any form of treatment. The idea that I should stop drinking cause it’ll make me lose weight, the way doctors will point out my “beer belly” before they talk about my liver or my kidneys or the social aspect of my drinking problem, the way people only care about my drinking problem cause it makes me fat. You don’t care about me as someone who’s struggling with addiction.
I encourage non alcoholics to like and or reblog this because it’s a unique experience of fatphobia you don’t understand if you’ve never tried to get help for a drinking problem.
wish i had a bit going where whenever i said “the prophecy” like three of my friends would repeat “the prophecy” in different tones while squinting into the distance and rubbing their chins like sages deep in thought. i would also do this for them, im a team player
okay, so, be me, 27 years old at the time, an adult by any definition in the world
be me at the los angeles zoo, one of my very favorite places in the world, because i love animals. i am immedietly 8 years old when presented with a little creature. i can’t help it.
okay, wait, go back. we must establish two things for this to hit right
first:
the year before, i’d gone to the san diego zoo with my aunt and grandma and! they let you feed giraffes there!!
how wonderful a world and how wonderful a life, where for $10 I can hand feed a giant creature three crispy biscuits. i go “i am feeding the giraffes right now” and go in line to buy the biscuits and return moments later triumphant, 3 biscuits in my grasp
“oh good!” my grandmother says, “one for each of us!”
“yes,” i say, despondent, “one for each of us.”
i wanted to feed all three to the giraffes myself but since i am an actual adult and not a child i do not say this and share the biscuits
second:
my friend group echoes. a lot
someone tells a story and ends it with “and that’s what happened!” and the rest of us will repeat “and that’s what happened!”
often in unison. and it’s constant, all the time, even to little stuff. often said in the tone of “they don’t even have dental”
ok, so we’re back at the los angeles zoo. they have opened the giraffe feeding
i am not going to be thwarted again
my two friends (K and M) get in line to feed them and i go to buy the biscuits. i return with nine biscuits because i am going to give the giraffes three biscuits myself and i do not want to hear a word of protest. i am being fair. i am being equitable. i am sharing. no one can judge me
“wow!” says K. “that’s a lot of biscuits!”
“the cult provides,” i say generously, handing over their share, because what is a friend group if not a small cult
and then, automatically, in unison, like they have so many times before and thinking nothing of what exactly they’re saying, M and K reply, “the cult provides”
two different people in line turn to stare at us while we all blink at each other and then M nervously shouts, “we are definitely not in a cult!” which sounds like something someone who is in a cult might say
and ever since it’s been a running bit where one person says “the cult ____” and everyone echoes it as seriously as possible, no matter where we are or who we’re around
which is to say, OP, that you could be living the dream if your friends weren’t cowards
